As Snarky and Tinky rumbled down the streets in the van, Tinky asked Snarky a question.
"So what exactly happened to your friends?"
Snarky frowned as he drove. The buildings huddled in the growing shadows. Every so often a bright spark of light flew around, then disappeared. People lurked, slouching from doorway to alley, afraid to be seen in the open. A big rat or a small dog sped from behind some garbage cans and grabbed something from the street in its jaws. The something struggled, then fell limp. The dog-rat sank its fangs into it, then it, too, fell limp, falling onto its side, settling into a pothole. A crack spread from the hole and zigzagged to the nearest building where it stopped suddenly. The building briefly turned a vivid shade of yellow, brighter than a million sunflowers, then it faded and finally turned black before it wobbled and then disappeared with a quiet pop.
Snarky and Tinky didn't see any of this because they were looking in the other direction.
"I told you before, they were there one minute, and gone the next," said Snarky.
"Are you sure you didn't kill them or something?"
"Pretty sure." Snarky bared his teeth. "I might go for a third murder any moment."
"Fine, fine", said Tinky.
The van went over a large bump and they both heard a loud scream.
"What was that?" asked Tinky.
"Sounds like someone got a large bump on the head," replied Snarky.
"Weird." Tinky looked at the intersection, then directed Snarky to take a right. After a few more blocks, they saw it.
"Holy crap," said Snarky, eyes wide. "When you said mansion, I didn't realize you meant the Taj Mahal!"
It wasn't the Taj Mahal, which was probably still in India. This mansion took up an entire city block. It was made of the finest marble, crafted in a Gothic style, with columns and gargoyles liberally distributed across its expanse. The effect was one of grandeur, of ancient wealth, of imposing size, of occult knowledge, of ego, and a little bit of wonkiness, as if the architect had crossed eyes. It had also become decrepit, and looked as if it would fall down at any time. Many people had lived here once, but now it looked like the only people who would want to live there were ones who wanted to commit suicide by ghost.
"Welcome to my humble abode!" cried Tinky, spreading his arms, which bonked against the van window and Snarky's head.
Snarky just muttered. "You sure we won't get our heads bashed in by falling stone?"
"Probably not," Tinky said with a smile.
They got out of the van. Snarky bent down to check if that bump had damaged it. All he saw was a dark mass.
"Ugh, looks like we hit some large animal. I can't even tell what it was, maybe a pony? I ain't cleaning that."
Tinky bounded up to the front door, and then darted past a column to where another, smaller door was, a serviceman's entrance. "In here!"
Snarky followed, dragging his feet. It had been a tiring few days. The air felt greasy. Tinky disappeared inside.
When Snarky first saw the interior, he felt let down. He had expected opulence, maybe even faded opulence, but it was just a large room full of junk. "What is all this stuff?"
"This is my great palace, full of my prized valuables!" Tinky spread his arms again, but this time they just hit dirty sheets.
"Valuables? You couldn't pay me to take any of this."
Tinky looked hurt. "It took a long time for me to accumulate this. All the houses I had to break into, all the people I had to mug, all the scams I had to pull. It was hard work!"
Snarky looked at the broken junk, the mouldy furniture, the peeling paint, and the dirty knickknacks, and decided to keep his trap shut for once. "Yeah, looks awesome." His stomach growled. "You said there was food and drink?"
"This way, sirrah!" Tinky led the way past the debris, through other rooms full of old and mysterious objects, past tapestries and paintings depicting odd scenes and odder people, some of which didn't seem like they were on Earth or human. Down a flight of stairs and then there they were: the kitchen. It gleamed as if new.
"How come the kitchen looks new?" asked Snarky.
"I have no idea. The place is run-down, but the kitchen looks untouched. It was like this when I got here. I don't question why. And another weird thing is that every morning, it's fully stocked. I can eat and drink as much as I want, and when I wake up, it's as if I hadn't touched a thing!"
Snarky looked disturbed. "Doesn't that concern you? I mean, what if it's poisoned magical food? You could be mutating as we speak." He looked at Tinky's small size and smirked.
"Shut up or I'll cut you!" Tinky snarled.
"Calm down, little guy."
Instead of fighting, they both decided that eating was better. They went through the fridge and cupboards, and each laid out a feast that would have impressed kings. After they had satisfied their gluttony and lay on sofas in the next room, groaning and exhausted, they fell asleep.
They both awoke with a startle to find that identical twin girls were staring at them. They both had black hair and blue skin and were in their teens. They were dressed the same, with red jackets over white shirts, and black skirts over red leggings. They were shorter than Snarky, but taller than Tinky. Their eyes gleamed, their noses were a little long, but the most interesting thing about them was that they only looked half there. Like holograms.
"Are you holograms?" asked Snarky.
The two girls shook their heads solemnly.
"Can you speak?" he asked.
"Of course we can," said one.
"What are we, freaks?" said the other.
"My name is Nest Lakefront!" said the first one.
"And my name is Nest Overcoat!" said the second.
"Don't you get confused?" asked Tinky, looking up at them, getting a good look at their noses.
"Sometimes," said Nest Overcoat.
"But then we forget," said Nest Lakefront. "What are your names?"
"I'm Snarky Snapdragon," said Snarky, "and this leprechaun is Tinky Dingbat."
"Your name is Snarky Snapdragon?" said Tinky, laughing."And you think my name is silly?"
"It's better than yours." Snarky looked thoughtful. "Seems like everyone has unlikely names lately. Now that I think of it, I used to have another name."
The twins looked at the lads, looking at Tinky, then Snarky, then they both just looked at Snarky.
"Your name is Snarky Snapdragon?" said Nest Lakefront, eyes wide.
"We've been looking for you!" added Nest Overcoat.
"Is it because I'm a love god?" Snarky looked hopeful.
Nest Overcoat looked thoughtful. "I don't think so."
"Then why?"
Nest Lakefront smiled. "We have news about the old man in the cave."
Snarky looked stunned. "The old man in the cave! My friend Stumpy said something about that. He said was in a trance and learned that." He looked stunned again. "My friends Stumpy and Enver! We have to find them."
"What do you know?" he asked the girls.
Nest Overcoat spoke first. "We live in a far-off land, in the east. After the light in the eastern sky, people started acting strangely. Only one person knew anything about it, an old man who lives in a cave."
Nest Lakefront took over. "His cave is in a mountain, not too far from where we live, but nobody knows how to get there. If he needs to speak to you, he comes to you. Occasionally people stumble across his cave, but they can never remember where it is."
The sisters looked at each other, then Nest Overcoat spoke."Normally he doesn't speak to anybody that often, but recently, he's been talking to people more. He kept mentioning someone called Snarky Snapdragon, but nobody knew who that was."
Nest Lakefront continued."We had no idea how to contact this person, so the old man said he'd let us use his device. He chose us for some reason. It's a sort of teleportation device, but it only lets half of you go somewhere, so you look misty and you can't really have much of an effect on anything."
"Also," said Nest Overcoat,"it doesn't last very long. We don't have much time, so you have to come quick! Just head east! You will find us."
They started to fade, blinking in and out.
"How far is it?" shouted Snarky. "What does this all mean?"
It was too late, the girls had vanished.
He looked at Tinky.
Tinky just shrugged and commented,"I have no idea, but wow were they weird! I think Nest Overcoat is the weirder one."
"How can you tell who's who?" asked Snarky.
"Easy, Nest Overcoat has a yellow left eye, and Nest Lakefront has a yellow right eye." He scratched his nose, then added,"I wonder if they're rich?"
Snarky just grimaced. Suddenly, they both heard a sound. Loud voices and footsteps were approaching from a distant room. They got closer and closer, and Tinky and Snarky looked a little afraid. With all the weird, dark apparitions lately, this could be their doom. Two dark shadows loomed out of the hazy murk, then lunged into the weak light.
They both gasped.
...to be continued.
