Perky and Shok looked at Abner Oakbucket's place with their mouths hanging open. Billy Bob had seen it before, so he just headed straight for the bathroom.
"I hope there's toilet paper, unlike every other time I've been here, Abner," he said over his shoulder.
Abner's eyes shifted away.
"Well!" he said to Shok and Perky. "Shall I show you around?"
"I guess," replied Shok. "I probably have better stuff at my parents' place."
Abner stared at him, then looked at Perky. "And you? Are you also a little brat?"
As Shok's face was twisting in anger, Perky grabbed his hand and said, "No, we're not brats, we're just tired, thirsty, and hungry."
A sardonic look passed over Abner's face, then he led the way. Where they were was a sort of receiving room, not very large. It was semi-circular and on the walls were drawings of geometric shapes. A big sign said "Don't Touch Anything". A small door in the middle of the wall opened up and a tiny creature peeked out. It looked surprised, then pulled back and slammed the door. Perky and Shok didn't notice because Abner was explaining about his house. The walls in the passage were covered in glowing blue and green lights, but not electric lights. They looked like algae.
"What are those lights?" asked Perky.
"Eh?" said Abner, interrupted. "Oh, just some bread mould that got out of hand. It seems to like living on the walls, which is good for me and for them. Occasionally you have to breathe on it." He coughed on some. "See?"
He paused, lost in thought. "At first I was concerned because, ahem, it grew a little too big. It was taking over the house. Then I played some music, some music I myself composed. Quite brilliant, too. It's a sort of abstract music based on the molecular structure of crystal and yeast. Everyone I play it for seems to go into a spastic shock. Other than me, only the wall mould seems to like it. Hm, no accounting for taste. Once it heard some of the music, it stopped growing and has settled in nicely on the walls."
He continued walking down the passage to the rest of the place. They passed a door. "This is the bathroom." He knocked vigourously.
Billy Bob yelled. "Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. And no toilet paper, by the way. I'm gonna use this ole rag I found."
Abner looked surprised. "That old rag is...well, nevermind." He pointed at another door on the other side. It was painted red with a large white circle in the middle. "Whatever you do, don't go in that room."
"Why not?" asked Shok. "Is it dangerous or something?"
"No, it's just a little messy."
By this time Billy Bob had joined them. "Hey, did you try and tell 'em your music saved your life by stopping a deadly mutant mould?" He started laughing. "Boy oh boy, is that one of your funnier stories!"
Abner drew himself up to his full height, straightened his top hat, and looked haughty. "I'll have you know, that is not funny! That is a true fact. Just ask the mould."
"Right," said Billy Bob. "I'm gonna ask some wall mould a question. Shall I speak in French, or perhaps classical Latin?" He laughed some more, slapping his knees.
Perky and Shok looked at the both of them. Abner frowned and continued walking.
The house, as he explained, was originally a small shack, and then he kept adding onto it as needed, room after room, and passageways to connect them. It was more like an ant colony than a regular house, with two or three levels, depending on your point of view, plus a warren of basement rooms. There were rooms for science and leisure, as well as a kitchen and one or two bathrooms. He never knew---one kept getting lost somehow. There were also many random rooms that were used for whatever he needed them for. Covering most walls were various pieces of paper that were used for doodling, either formulas, or just whimsical drawings. Also, as they were beginning to notice, there were various strange animals, apparently refugees from experiments that had either escaped or were set free. They seemed harmless enough, although they certainly looked strange.
"I see you've expanded a might, Abner," said Billy Bob.
"Yes, yes, one must keep busy. Ahem. Did you say you were all hungry? The kitchen is right this way."
"What kind of food do you have?" said Perky, looking a little peaked. Her glittery glow was fading.
"Oh, all sorts. And all made from plant life from the surrounding area!" Abner's eyes lit up.
"What, like mould burgers or something?" said Shok with a green look on his face.
Abner smiled. "Yes, yes, if you want to describe them like that." A small crab-like being with fur was tugging on his pant leg. "What is it?" The being made a chittering noise. Abner looked alarmed. "Are you sure?" The crab jumped up and down and ran down the corridor.
"Follow me!" exclaimed Abner. He took off after the crab.
They followed him to a room close by. It was large and circular, with a picture of the solar system on the ceiling. Around the walls were various bits of machinery, all blinking lights and monitors. A few large buttons and levers made it all seem so serious. Abner ran straight to a large monitor that the crab was in front of. Green squiggly lines ran across it, kind of like a radar screen.
"What's up, Abner?" asked Billy Bob. "I ain't never seen you look so riled up since that battle near on twenty years ago now."
Abner stared at the screen. "That was nothing compared to this. That was a mere diversion. This threatens my entire life's work! Lives may be lost, scars will form, things will be destroyed. The whole planet may form many cracks that will look unseemly and violate the warranty. One day in the future, the planet will die. Before then, people will scream and babies will cry. Food will spoil, hair will fall out, people will get fat even though they watch their diet and exercise. New music will be recorded that will just...seem...wrong."
Everyone looked disturbed. Shok and Perky looked a little scared. Even Billy Bob, good ol' reliable, even-keeled Billy Bob, looked a little uncomfortable. Perky was the first to speak.
"What is it, Mr. Oakbucket? What's the horrible danger?"
Abner turned to address them all. His face was solemn and he took a deep breath.
"I owe some pretty serious late fines at the library."
...to be continued.
