The Adventures of Snarky Snapdragon #3

   Snarky and Enver looked at the shadowy figure who was framed in the basement door. Cobwebs hung from his hair, red marks were on his face, and he looked either really sleepy or dopey. They both looked at this new person.
   "Oh, it's just you, Stumpy." Snarky looked at the man, Stumpy Cucamonga, who was very short but had enormously long feet.
   "Don't piss yourself in excitement, man," said Stumpy, a hurt look on his face. Then he grinned. "I am so thirsty. Anyone got anything to drink? Preferably something with a kick."
   Enver frowned. "My liquor cabinet is empty---for you. I know you. One drink turns into three empty bottles and you passed out in your own puke. Not this time."
   Stumpy grinned impishly. "Yeah, I guess that happens every so often. Haha." Stumpy was cute in a degenerate bridge troll kind of way. "Hey, Snarky, what're you doing here? I haven't seen you in ass years."
   "Haven't you noticed something's different? All the normal freaks have been replaced by weird freaks. Everyone's so....perky," said Snarky, his frown lines deepening.
   "Really? I just woke up. I had some real good hooch and had a nice little nap in Enver's basement. How long was I out?"
   Enver and Snarky looked at him. "Two days, man."
   Stumpy's eyes bulged out. "Holy crap! I must've had a great time...although I don't remember a thing."
   "Anyway," said Snarky. "We have to figure out what to do about all this. We can't continue this way. It's not natural."
   "Nothing about our lives is natural, man. That's what makes it a blast!" laughed Stumpy.
   All of a sudden Stumpy froze. His eyes bulged out again, but this time they weren't looking at anything. His mouth hung open and brown drool oozed out. An eerie moaning sound seemed to come from deep inside his belly. The lights flickered and the windows began to rattle. A deep underground rumbling sound shook the furniture, and then a large black bird smashed through a window, screeching and flapping madly. It flew in a panic around the room, while Enver and Snarky ducked. Then it flew straight at a large mirror on the wall that had intricate, mysterious carvings around the edge. The mirror burst into many pieces and the bird was dead, blood squirting from its severed head and neck. Of course, it was red ribbons, not real blood, and the bird got up and lurched out the back door, whistling a jaunty tune. Like a dream, Stumpy snapped out of it and looked around the room.
   "Hey, guys. What just happened?" He looked a little scared, or thirsty.
   "Trance, shaking, lights, bird, smash, window, dead, not dead..." Snarky couldn't speak properly. Snarky wasn't usually scared of anything, just angry, but this unnerved him. Nothing had gone as usual in the past couple days.
   "Nothing has gone as usual in the past couple days," he said, feeling like he was in a dreamloop. "Not since that weird light in the eastern sky."
   Stumpy shifted in his chair. "I have all these weird thoughts and visions in my head. I think we need to head out, go on a trek, to solve our problem. We need to head east and find a guy in a cave."
   "What guy? Where? What are you talking about?" said Enver, his eyebrows twitching.
   "Don't ask me! I went into a weird trance and had weird visions! The hell do I know about all this stuff? I'm used to seeing pink elephants when I drink your mom's wine!" Stumpy grinned. "Hey, I haven't seen your mom in a while. How's she doing? That rash clear up?"
   "Don't mention my mother, you cretin," snarled Enver.
   "We're all cretins," barked Snarky. "That's my point! We're all cretins but the world has changed, and now everybody's all soft and cuddly like baby rockupines. We've got to do something!"
   "What should we do, then?" asked Enver. "I'm bamboozled."
   "And I don't even know what's going on," said Stumpy. "For all I know, you guys are pulling my leg. That tickles and makes me piss."
   They all got up and went outside. The sun was shining, children were playing with ribbons, flags and balls, and everybody was smiling. The three of them looked at each other and looked a little green around the gills.
   "Oh, yuck," said Stumpy. "We'd better get some supplies and head out soon. I may have to go into another coma, this time for good!"
   Snarky spotted a van. "Let's steal that. It's big enough."
   The van was large and bright yellow. Enver picked the lock and almost fell backward. Several large balloon rats popped out, squeaking as they escaped from the confines of the van.
   "This is going to be a hell of a journey," said an exasperated Snarky.


...to be continued!